However, Twain is not the only historical or cultural figure to make a lasting comment about golf. Some of the mutterings from notable – and occasionally not-so-notable – individuals have gone down in golfing folklore, providing plenty of opportunity for both fans of the game and fans of clever wit to enjoy.

A favourite for those who subscribe to the popular notion of golf as a game for gentlemen are often found to quote American journalist Art Spander. Spander himself must agree with this idea, as he once said: “golf is a game not just of manners, but of morals.” Lovers of the sport will also find great resonance with the following words, said by American – now retired – golfer Arnold Palmer: “Golf is deceptively simple and endlessly complicated; it satisfies the soul and frustrates the intellect. It is at the same time rewarding and maddening and it is without doubt the greatest game mankind has ever invented.” Both quotes, from Spander and Palmer, are often repeated by modern golfing enthusiasts.

However, those in possession of drier wit – and arguably a less worshipful opinion of the game – have turned their attentions to golf also. American writer and humorist Dave Barry once famously said: “for me, the worst part of playing golf, by far, has always been hitting the ball. Barry is not alone in lamenting the difficulties of the game; another famous quote is “many a golfer prefers a golf cart to a caddy because the car cannot count, criticize, or laugh.”

However, the true stars are golfing quotations by unknowns, whose words have passed through generations purely due to their dryness and intelligent. Perhaps the best known is: “when I die, I want to be buried on a golf course because at least my husband might visit then.” An equally dark and equally amusing quote is as follows: “Golf can be described as an endless series of tragedies obscured by the occasional miracle.”

We shall conclude, as we began, with writer Mark Twain. As well as the most famous golfing quote of all time, he also spoke of the sport with the following: “It’s good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling.”

It is therefore little surprise that two champions, who have dominated their respective sports for much of recent memory, have forged a friendship based on understanding how lonely being the best can be.

In golf, Tiger Woods has been there and done it all. The king of the greens, he is so vastly superior to most other players on the golfing circuit that few bother to even imagine success against him.

In tennis, Roger Federer has very nearly – with the exception of the French Open, which proves elusive – been there and done it all. The king of grass, he plays with the grace of a ballet dancer and many opponents know they have lost before the first ball has even been served.

Woods and Federer have become close friends, these two giants of their own sports. The two were brought together by Nike, who saw the potential of these two living sporting legends and united them for an ad campaign. They have since starred, together with footballer Thierry Henry, in advertisements for razor brand Gillette alongside their Nike commitments. Before the 2007 Wimbledon final – in which Federer played his tennis arch-rival Rafael Nadal – Woods recorded a video message for Federer, via Nike, encouraging his friends to win his fifth title. Both men confess to a friendly rivalry as to who can win the most majors in their respective sports; currently, Woods holds the record at 14, with Federer on 13.

Their friendship has extended beyond the advertising suite. In 2006, Woods was photographed supporting Federer from Federer’s own players’ box as he bid for the US Open title. Both have also openly talked of their friendship in interviews and how it has helped them; citing that only each other, out of everyone on the planet, can really understand the position they are in.

The first game of recorded golf was in 1456 in Edinburgh, Scotland. This, however, does not mean the Edinburgh game was the first time the sport was played, merely that it was the first time a person took the time to write down the events. In a period of low literacy levels, it is little wonder that some golfing historians say the game has social origins up to 200 years before the first recorded date.

The game itself was recorded in the archives of the Edinburgh Burgess Golfing Society, and can still be seen today. This confirms golf as a primarily Scottish game, which soon became popular throughout Europe and eventually the world. Much of the spread from Scotland is attributed to King James, who in 1603 became the first monarch of both Scotland and England, creating what we now know as the United Kingdom. Having grown up in Scotland, when King James became King of England following the death of his kinswoman Elizabeth I, the game came south with him. Golf obviously now has a worldwide appeal, yet the Scottish roots remain, with many famous courses still being played by world famous players in the northern country.

The foundation of golf is widely accepted to be the act, usually done by shepherds, of knocking stones into rabbit holes in Scotland during tedious watchings of sheep flocks. From these humble beginnings, the worldwide popular game we now know and love is believed to have stemmed.

All of the traits we associate with modern golf originated and were developed in Scotland. This includes the first 18-hole golf course, the first set of written rules of play and the first membership of golf clubs. The Royal and Ancient Golf Club of Saint Andrews is a popular destination for the golfing fan, due to their vast collection of documentation about the foundation of the game.

While some argue that golf has changed and developed from a basic game of hitting stones into rabbit holes to the cultural phenomenon it is today, others say simply: it’s still just about hitting stuff into holes. While this opinion may be crude, it is nevertheless truthful!

To “chunk” a shot is to drive your club into the ground before, or in (accidental) lieu of hitting the ball. Coming from the sound that such an impact makes, it is something horribly familiar to a great many golfers. And it could lead to a Mulligan, which is a replay of the shot without any stroke being counted. This is not allowed in competition golf, but is allowed to pass in most casual rounds. From your Mulligan, could you end up on an apron? You certainly could. Assuming you were aiming for the green, if you ended up on the slightly rougher patch of grass around it, that’s exactly where you would have ended up.

From such a position there would be two options. Firstly your sober friend could try to chip the ball from the “apron” towards the hole, or secondly they could attempt a putt. If the ball rolled around the outside of the hole and stayed out, this is described as “lipping out” – from where the ball can go anywhere, sometimes heart breakingly a few feet past. When the ball rolls past the hole, you must rely on a putt coming back the other way – or, as the terminology has it, a “comebacker”.

There are a great many other golf terms which may be considered impenetrable and arcane to the uninitiated. The best advice that one could possibly pass on to a novice trying to get a handle on the terminology for the sake of a relationship is to watch with a notepad and learn as you go along with some help from the Internet.

Firstly, what is with those terms used in the scoring system? Well, “par” had been used for anything that was considered an acceptable standard for years before its application in golf. So in this respect, it was a new application of existing terminology. But why “Bogey” for a bad score? Well, the story goes that a song of the late 19th Century had the lyric “I’m the Bogey Man, catch me if you can”. This led to people seeing the “bogey” on the golf course as something to be aimed for – and among amateurs, who still tend to play off a handicap, it still is. But the term was used interchangeably with “par” for many years, only adopting its current meaning in the early 20th Century.

As for “birdie”, this comes from further back than “bogey”. Early in the 19th Century, the word “bird” was used in much the same way as people nowadays would say “cool” – something that really stands out and impresses. Playing a hole in one shot fewer than is expected – now that is cool, surely? Hence the term “birdie” came to be used in reference to people doing just that. So why an “eagle” for someone playing a hole in two shots less than the par? Well, it’s obvious, is it not? It’s a kind of birdie, but it is bigger. And as you may have guessed, the use of the term “albatross” to describe playing a Par 5 hole in two shots is simply a continuation on that theme.

Joining a golf club is actually surprisingly difficult in many cases. There has been no small amount of controversy in the past over people seeking to join one and being refused on what seemed like either very arbitrary, or possibly heavily discriminatory, grounds. One of the world’s most famous clubs, the Augusta National (home to major golf competition the US Masters), first had a black member in 1990. As of yet, it has never had a female member, although it does allow women to play the course as guests of its members. The Augusta National is far from the only club not to have female members, but it is – as the current permanent home of the Masters – the highest-profile club with single-sex membership. Its chairman, Hootie Johnson, says that the club may well have female members in the future, but that he will not be threatened into making a change.

In general, though, most golf clubs have a far more relaxed membership policy than the Augusta National or Scotland’s Muirfield, although in many cases membership policy is dictated by the club’s current members whose own opinions and motivations are theirs and theirs alone. The best way to ensure you can get membership in a club is to be friends with someone who is already a member. A little light lobbying on their part, and if you are lucky, you’ll be given the call.

So to have a sport where you actively set out to record as low a score as possible will always be confusing for some. It makes perfect sense to the golfer and the golf enthusiast, though. Indeed, it helps to think of golf as a race of sorts – a race between men in ill-designed knitwear and slacks rather than lycra, but a race nonetheless. When you’re watching athletics, you know it’s been a good race if the numbers next to the winner’s name are low. Although if, as in golf, those numbers are in the negative then maybe it’s time for drug tests all around.

The thing to keep in mind with golf is that you have a set number of shots which is judged as a fair limit in which to get around the course, called a par. On an eighteen-hole course this will almost always be between seventy and seventy two. The ideal is to get a score that is less than this – to get around the course in, for example, sixty eight shots. If you hit 68 on a course with a par of 72, then you have recorded a score of four under par, which is recorded on your score card as –4. In a professional tournament, there may be as many – indeed there usually will be as many – as four rounds. So for a competition around a par 72 course, the competition par will be 288, and the winner will always be the person with the lowest score.

This piece, though, will concentrate on the clubs that you carry around with you, the ones you use to hit the ball. A casual glance may have you believing that these are very simple items, made from metal, wood or some combination thereof, with a rubber grip. But if you are to fit in down at the country club, you will need state-of-the-art clubs to play with. The latest clubs are all the result of a lot of research and some extremely technical design work, built to optimise the distance you can get on your drives, the spin on your approach shots, and the accuracy in your putting game. These are the kinds of club that Woods, Mickelson and Els use and, although they won’t make you play like the professionals, they will give you some of the advantages those guys have.

The fact is, for a decent beginner’s set of golf clubs you will be looking at potentially getting no change from an outlay of $300. This will be a set that contains three woods (unfortunately, not Tiger – he would help anyone’s game), five irons, a driver, a putter and two recovery clubs (usually a pitching wedge and a sand wedge). There are more clubs available, and the average professional will have a few more in their bag so that every situation is covered. But those guys can afford to pay a caddy to carry their bag, and pay them handsomely to carry more weight. Unless you have that kind of money to spend, it is worth taking into account that the average beginners’ sets will suit your needs admirably, and individual clubs can always be added as and when you feel the need (and as your caddy’s upper-body strength improves).

There are some great destinations for a golfing holiday in the US. Florida in itself is home to several fabulous courses, with very limited prospects of having to cut short your game due to rain if you go at the right time. Check with your travel agent to see where and when you could go and play a few rounds, and especially ask them about Naples – the famed golfer’s paradise – and the world renowned Doral golfing resort. Arizona, too, is home to some great courses, and both of the above states have a lot more going for them than just (!) golf, so the whole family can come along.

If you fancy stretching your search a bit further than US courses, there are some excellent golfing holidays to be had further afield. In Europe, there is a love for golf that challenges that of the American golfing fraternity. Britain, for example, is home to some of the most famous old courses in the world, including the Belfry (four time host of the Ryder Cup) and St Andrews, while Ireland has the legendary K Club. Meanwhile, if you want to get a bit more sunshine while you play, the Portuguese Algarve is dotted with excellent courses. Further afield again, you might consider Dubai for a golfing break. There are courses springing up all the time there, while the hotels simply have to be seen to be believed.

From an early age it was clear that Tiger Woods was a phenomenon. At the age of two – yes, that’s right, two – he appeared on American television showing his adeptness at putting and a year later he played nine holes at California’s Navy Golf Club, making his way around in 48 shots. Now if you don’t know much about golf, take it as fact that that is amazing. Many adult amateurs would dream of shooting 48 for a nine-hole round. To do it at the age of three is incredible.

Tiger Woods turned professional at the age of twenty – not especially remarkable in this day and age, but certainly one of the younger players ever to do so. By the time he had turned professional he was already marked out as one of the most exciting prospects the game had ever seen – in fact, probably undeniably the most exciting. There was no doubt that in terms of coverage, he gained some extra attention for being of mixed race. But the coverage was far more than anything due to the fact that he just kept winning.

As things stand, with Woods just back in the game after eight months out following surgery on his left knee, he remains the top-ranked golfer on the PGA Tour. Despite the injury – with which he played the entire US Open in 2008, and won – Woods’ place was untouched, and at the age of 33 he has spent 536 weeks (more than ten years) at the top of the world rankings. That is more than the three next most successful men in the rankings put together. Those three men? Greg Norman, Nick Faldo and Seve Ballesteros.